


Seven Minutes In Hachiman Heaven

by broadwayturtle



Category: Oregairu, やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 | My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU (Anime)
Genre: Do I tag this as underage????? They're both teens tho, First Kiss, First Time, Frottage, M/M, So it should be ok???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 12:09:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10966929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broadwayturtle/pseuds/broadwayturtle
Summary: Hachiman And Friends™ go to Ebina's house for her birthday party. Things get, well, spicy.





	Seven Minutes In Hachiman Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I might fix it later, I might not, but it seems I was caught between wanting to write hella fluff and hella porn, and my hella porn craving won. Lol. I might go back and make the transition smoother but for now, this is what ya got.

It was Ebina's fault.

It was definitely Ebina's fault.  
  
It was Ebina's fault that Hachiman was currently stuck in her house in a dimly lit closet for seven minutes, with none other than the school's resident trap, Totsuka Saika.

It was Ebina's fault that Hachiman was currently stuck in her house in a dimly lit closet for seven minutes, with none other than the school's resident trap, Totsuka Saika, because the bottle spin had landed on the aforementioned Saika.

It was Ebina's fault that Hachiman was currently stuck in her house in a dimly lit closet for seven minutes, with none other than the school's resident trap, Totsuka Saika, because the bottle spin had landed on the aforementioned Saika, who had, for some strange reason, taken off his shirt.

Saika was blushing and clutching the shirt rather tightly, and though he had taken it off, he still held it so that it covered most of his chest. Hachiman was scared of how much he wanted to move it out of the way.  
  
"Ha-Hachiman!"  
  
Hachiman jolted.  
  
"Yes?!"  
  
Saika's eyes seemed to search Hachiman's face for something, before eventually looking down and away.  
  
"Do you...do you like this?" He asked in a quiet, defeated tone.  
  
"Wh-what?" Hachiman's brain short circuited as he broke out into a cold sweat. _Did I hear correctly? Is this a dream?_  
  
Saika sighed.  
  
"Ohhh, I knew it! I'm so embarrassed! Hina-san said this would work, but--" He hid his face in his hands, still clutching the shirt, as his voice started to shake. "But you don't like me and you never will because I'm a boy and now you'll think I'm a terrible pervert this was so stupid I'm sorry, Hachiman, Hachiman I'm so sorr--"  
  
"Wait, what? I..." Hachiman rubbed his temples in confused frustration. "You're telling me Ebina put you up to this? What exactly did she..." Hachiman's socially inept brain finally clicked the idea into place. His eyes widened as he let his hand fall.  
  
"She...told you to... _seduce_ me?"  
  
Saika nodded. Hachiman stared into space. He swore he could hear the rusty gears of his mind audibly clicking.  
  
"To get me to like you..." Once again, Saika nodded, though his hands moved to clutch his shirt once again.  
  
"...Because you...like me?"  
  
Saika's entire face turned beet red as he looked up to meet Hachiman's eyes. Miraculously, he had the courage to nod once more.  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"Wait, okay. Let me just get this completely clear here. You like _me_. _Me_ , Hachiman. Not some guy who happens to be named Me, for whatever reason." Saika looked down at the floor.  
  
"Please don't make me say it again," He lowered his arms, letting the shirt fall to the floor. "It's bad enough you don't like me--"  
  
"Who says I don't like you?" Hachiman blurted out, a little too enthusiastically. A few seconds later, both their faces were the same shade of red.  
  
"...How much time do we have left?" Hachiman asked. Saika checked his phone.  
  
"I-I think...three minutes?"  
  
"Okay. Okay, okay, well the door's locked from the inside, so I think we should be okay."  
  
"Huh--"  
  
Without giving himself time to think, Hachiman awkwardly brought his lips to Saika's, smushing their noses together in the process.

“Ow--”  
  
"I-I'm sorry...I've never really kissed anyone bef--" Saika cut him off with another kiss, this time guiding Hachiman into a proper one.  
  
"Whoa, who taught you to--"  
  
"No one! I swear! I-I...I looked it up. For you. In case I ever k-k-kissed you."  _Oh god, he’s too cute._

"Marry me."  
  
"Wh--What?"  
  
"Shit, uh--" Hachiman decided to cut off any potentially awkward confrontation by pulling Saika into another kiss. It was deep and messy and neither of them really knew what they were doing, but it felt good. When he let his hands wander from Saika's shoulders to his waist, Saika gasped.  
  
"What?! What?! Did I do something wrong?!"  
  
"Mm-mm!"  
  
Saika wrapped his arms around Hachiman's shoulders, pulling their bodies flush. Hachiman could feel Saika's erection, and it actually sent a bolt of heat down to his own. Hachiman took a second to appreciate that it didn't turn him off, though he supposed it would if it were anyone else. He moved to kiss Saika's neck, feeling himself get harder with every soft moan his crush let slip.  
  
"Ah--Hah--Hachiman--"  
  
In a single second, all the blood rushed down to Hachiman's... _other_ head.  
  
He yanked their waists even closer, grinding their hips together, groaning when Saika reciprocated and shoved a hand into Hachiman's hair and _pulled_.  
  
"W-wait, Hachiman--hah!-Hachiman! Our clothes will get dirty--!" Hachiman yanked Saika's shorts and underwear down in one go, unbuttoning his own pants and yanking them down the same way while Saika desperately unbuttoned his shirt.  
  
"Better?"  
  
"Mmh..." Saika nodded, eyes clouded over with lust.  
  
Hachiman resumed his path from Saika's lips to his neck and down to his shoulder, with one hand trailing down his chest and brushing past his nipple while the other one kneaded Saika's ass. Saika gasped and moaned, wrapping his leg around Hachiman's waist, hugging him close again, letting their cocks rub against each other again, letting Hachiman feel that bolt of electric insanity make its way down to his dick again. He rested his forehead on Saika's shoulder as he began to stroke their cocks in tandem, slow at first.

"Is...is this okay?"

"Ha-Hachiman!"

Saika moved his hips into Hachiman's touch, gripped Hachiman's hair a little harder. He took that as a yes.

"...Say it again."  
  
"Hachiman..."  
  
His breathing grew heavier, more erratic, and so did his hand. He was close, and he could tell Saika was too. His pace was frantic now.  
  
"Hachiman! _Hachiman_ \--"  
  
"Saika--"  
  
Saika's grip around Hachiman's back tightened as he shook, moaning Hachiman's name one last time. Hachiman moaned as well, voice breaking in the heat of his climax. Spent, they sank to the floor.  
  
They sat like that for a while, nuzzling against each other and kissing lightly while they came down from their high. Once they'd gotten back to their senses, the panic set in.  
  
"Holy crap, how long's it been?!" Hachiman stage whispered. Saika frantically searched the floor for his phone.  
  
"It's been...six minutes..." Saika stared at the screen, horrified.  
  
"Shit...and we're covered in...in...how do we...?"  
  
Saika raised a hand to cover his mouth shyly as he pointed to the corner of the closet. Next to a broom and a gallon of detergent was--oh-so- _conveniently_ \--a little package of wet wipes. Hachiman ran a hand through his hair in amused disbelief.  
  
"Fucking Ebina."  
  
They cleaned themselves off and got dressed, walking out to greet their friends as casually as they could. They left Ebina's birthday party rather early, despite the others begging them to stay. No one ever mentioned hearing any weird noises from the closet, but the next week at school, Hachiman could have sworn he saw Ebina give him a single, knowing grin.


End file.
